A Little About Me
I am a 35 year old, single mother of five. Well, single may not exactly be the right word. I am a wife for one week about every two years. I love my husband very much and when it counts he has proven he would hold the sun in his hands if it meant protecting me and mine. No, he's not in the military or even in jail. He does however suffer from a very common male disease I call I.S.,short for immaturity syndrome. But on a more supportive note, I have a very strong network of family who would travel through a Maricopa dust storm to make sure my children have everything they need.
I come from a tight knit family of adapters and over comers. Some of us haven't picked up the phone and spoken to each other in years, but all any of us would have to do is post an SOS message on Facebook and we will all rally around as if our last family reunion were yesterday. Or we call Aunt Flo cause we know she won't rest until every member of the Noble/Martin/Stark/Green family has been "inspired" to help. Overall, we are a God fearing, musically talented, open hearted family that will praise God through both triumpth and crisis. But it's in the midst of those storms, that we laugh the hardest and arm ourselves with a sarcasm that at times can cut deeper than knives.
So, what's up with the title? This is the scale by which all lifes events are measured. This is my version of that ridiculous medical pain scale the triage nurse uses, like I'd really be sitting here for 3 hours in a room where I have to sneak to text, if my pain was anything under a 5.
A Tylenol day for most of us parents is a typical day. The kids drove us crazy but all in all no major upsets.
The mid range would be a Vicodin day. It could have been worse but you're afraid to ask how.
Oxy or Percocet is tougher. It's like when my husband left in the middle of the night. A pain so extreme, emptiness so deep your tears come from a proverbial hole in your stomach. But you know in time this too shall pass.
Then there's Morphine. This is a day I thank God I have never experienced. Some days have been close, (like the death of the one you didn't get to say good bye to.) But this is more devastating like losing your mom or your child. This is a day where if you had a bottle of Morphine your fear of eternal hell is the only thing stopping you from downing them all.
Of course, I'm not suggesting you pop any pills as a pain reliever for life. And you're crazy if what you take from this is prescription drugs are the answer. This is just my way of measuring my day and reminding myself to thank God it wasn't worse.
I started this blog to share a piece of myself with anyone interested in a slice. This is my invitation for you to join the conversations I have daily with my mom, sisters and family about our lives, our experiences and what's going on in the world around us. I'm passionate and opinionated about just about everything. My prayer is that you take something from this whether you agree with me or not. Be inspired to attack your trials with humor, praise God even when you can't yet see the rainbow and remember if your day was a Tylenol or a Vicodin someone's was a Morphine.
For God, For my mom, For me
XOXO
Mimi
On a Scale of Tylenol to Morphine... How was your day?
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Letter to My 15 Year Old Self
We’re 35 now and sometimes we go by Mimi; but the heart of who we are is who we’ve always been. So I write this letter to you today with all the knowledge & wisdom that hindsight has to offer. My prayer is you find strength in my words and in the woman you are going to become.
We are a good person. Don’t doubt yourself so much. Don’t become what others say you’re destined to be. They don’t know you like I do, so they will never be able to value you the same. Those people you come across in high school who seem to live to make you question your life…they’re questioning theirs too. Insecurity runs rampant in Roosevelt as it does in high schools across the world; it doesn’t just live in you. I know that you feel like you won’t make it till ‘93. I know what you think about, what you write about when you’re alone in your room. Trust me not only do you make it through, you go on to be a strong woman because of what you went through. Yeah, you may be a little too skinny and a little awkward compared to the other girls. There are unique gifts in you that those that love you will see. And hey, being skinny turns out to be the best thing 20 years from now! Listen to your step mother, when she tells you the weight will surely come later. Trust me, if you see some of those girls now you may wonder why you harbored so much jealousy.
You will meet some boys during your time at Roosevelt whom will turn out to be your most valuable and lifelong friends. However, don’t feel like each one of them deserves such a valuable piece of you. Keep the diamonds on lock till you know he loves you. Some of the boys you become friends with love you despite how self destructive you can be and they will love you even if you say no. But girl that one that you hang your heart on from middle school till high school, yeah he goes on to love you something fierce and for many years after high school, and, a couple of times he even comes through for you. But let the other girls have him, trust me when I say he’s not the one.
I know that when there’s no food in the house or you’re being evicted again, you look at your father’s life in Oregon and wonder why he didn’t save you. But you don’t need saving. This too shall pass. Where I stand now, we do remember the pain of going hungry or being poor, but girl, it’s a motivation for us. We draw strength from that experience. You go on to learn and teach others how to make a meal with only $10 that can feed an Army. You praise God even harder because your children never know days or nights like ours. You remember that home we walked through in Laurel, MD. You know how we looked in every bedroom wishing you just had half that space. We walked out thinking it was a mansion. We told ourselves that day, we would never live in something so grand. Well baby girl think bigger. God blesses our children with more than a teenage mom, from a single parent home, who grew up in PG county could ever imagine.
Yeah, I said teenage mom. I know even with this letter, there are things I won’t be able to stop you from trying for yourself. We’ve always been the type to taste the kool-aid ourselves. You’ll have a daughter in about a year. She’ll be the most beautiful person you’ve ever met. But be there for her more. Take time out for just the two of you. Make sure she knows everyday how much you value and love her. Your time with her will pass by so quickly, before you know it she’ll be in college, teaching you how to be a better person.
Our father won’t come to our rescue in our teens the way we feel like he should. But he loves us more than life. As we mature, we learn all parents make mistakes it doesn’t minimize the love they have for us. He may never be the image we had in our head of what a father should be, but trust me; we probably weren’t the ideal daughter either. HE LOVES US. I can’t stress it enough. Value the relationship you have with him. Later, you will see it’s more than a lot of people get. Call him a little more often. Sometimes even if it seems unfair, you may have to be the one to make more of an effort. But do it. What does either of us gain if we are all waiting for the right time? And, your little sister Amy, that baby who seems to breath just to ask a million questions…she goes on to be our biggest cheerleader in life. She will be the glue that keeps us and daddy close. Remember she’s watching us. She’s looking up to us an example of a woman. Obviously she loves her big sis; she even eats her pizza in the weird way only we do. But take some time out for her too. Trust me it’s harder if you wait till we’re adults to make that connection.
I know Estelle can be a little annoying right now. She’s always listening to our phone calls. She teases you about boys. She even tattles when you try to sneak out. It gets better for us. She never really stops the “know it all” preaching. But we learn to smile and nod. She turns out to be our best friend. Once she joins us in high school, she’ll stop tattling and start helping you plot better lies. Set a better example for her though. Realize the responsibility you have as her big sister too. But continue to laugh, love and enjoy her. She, more than anyone gets you and what you’re going through right now. Stop thinking she’s icky and open up to her. She’s more mature than you think. And yes, she can keep a secret when she wants. She actually goes on to keep some big ones. You may find this hard to believe right now, but she kinda turns out to be the big sister. She doesn’t have the same adventurous spirit we do, so she becomes our voice of reason on so many occasions. Listen to her; she’s pretty smart when it comes to what’s best for us.
Mama…we give her such a hard time don’t we? I know, we have this thing with unconditional love. We don’t believe, especially right now that it really exists. I know that’s why we test her so much. We’re looking for the button to push that will make her give up on us like all the others. She never does though. Even with all the stunts we pull for attention or because we’re screaming out in pain, you will wake up to realize she was your knight in shining armor all along. We will always be us, but just try to talk back a little less. Come home on time, she’s right when she says nothing good happens after 11pm. Remind her that no matter how far out there we get, we still hear her voice of wisdom in our ear.
Most of all Michelle, I want you to know even when it seems like no one else does, I love you. I respect you. I value you. Don’t be so devastated when you find that others don’t see us for who we really are. It’s not like we always demanded they do. We have so many more talents than we give ourselves credit for. Once we let the shield down, people actually start to like us a little. We have a talent to make people laugh even when the circumstances around them demand that they cry. You also, have a compassion and understanding for others that can only come from the tests and rewards of our life. You’re doing OK and you go on to do better. Continue living life for us, the way you’ve always done. We take chances others wouldn’t; we will experience things (good and bad) that others won’t. But take some time out to pat yourself on the back once or twice. Look in the mirror and make sure you like who you see every day. And although it seems like every day of your life is a Morphine, our days actually average out to be less than Tylenols. We live much, love hard and appreciate everything.
For God, For my mom, For me
XOXO
Mimi
We are a good person. Don’t doubt yourself so much. Don’t become what others say you’re destined to be. They don’t know you like I do, so they will never be able to value you the same. Those people you come across in high school who seem to live to make you question your life…they’re questioning theirs too. Insecurity runs rampant in Roosevelt as it does in high schools across the world; it doesn’t just live in you. I know that you feel like you won’t make it till ‘93. I know what you think about, what you write about when you’re alone in your room. Trust me not only do you make it through, you go on to be a strong woman because of what you went through. Yeah, you may be a little too skinny and a little awkward compared to the other girls. There are unique gifts in you that those that love you will see. And hey, being skinny turns out to be the best thing 20 years from now! Listen to your step mother, when she tells you the weight will surely come later. Trust me, if you see some of those girls now you may wonder why you harbored so much jealousy.
You will meet some boys during your time at Roosevelt whom will turn out to be your most valuable and lifelong friends. However, don’t feel like each one of them deserves such a valuable piece of you. Keep the diamonds on lock till you know he loves you. Some of the boys you become friends with love you despite how self destructive you can be and they will love you even if you say no. But girl that one that you hang your heart on from middle school till high school, yeah he goes on to love you something fierce and for many years after high school, and, a couple of times he even comes through for you. But let the other girls have him, trust me when I say he’s not the one.
I know that when there’s no food in the house or you’re being evicted again, you look at your father’s life in Oregon and wonder why he didn’t save you. But you don’t need saving. This too shall pass. Where I stand now, we do remember the pain of going hungry or being poor, but girl, it’s a motivation for us. We draw strength from that experience. You go on to learn and teach others how to make a meal with only $10 that can feed an Army. You praise God even harder because your children never know days or nights like ours. You remember that home we walked through in Laurel, MD. You know how we looked in every bedroom wishing you just had half that space. We walked out thinking it was a mansion. We told ourselves that day, we would never live in something so grand. Well baby girl think bigger. God blesses our children with more than a teenage mom, from a single parent home, who grew up in PG county could ever imagine.
Yeah, I said teenage mom. I know even with this letter, there are things I won’t be able to stop you from trying for yourself. We’ve always been the type to taste the kool-aid ourselves. You’ll have a daughter in about a year. She’ll be the most beautiful person you’ve ever met. But be there for her more. Take time out for just the two of you. Make sure she knows everyday how much you value and love her. Your time with her will pass by so quickly, before you know it she’ll be in college, teaching you how to be a better person.
Our father won’t come to our rescue in our teens the way we feel like he should. But he loves us more than life. As we mature, we learn all parents make mistakes it doesn’t minimize the love they have for us. He may never be the image we had in our head of what a father should be, but trust me; we probably weren’t the ideal daughter either. HE LOVES US. I can’t stress it enough. Value the relationship you have with him. Later, you will see it’s more than a lot of people get. Call him a little more often. Sometimes even if it seems unfair, you may have to be the one to make more of an effort. But do it. What does either of us gain if we are all waiting for the right time? And, your little sister Amy, that baby who seems to breath just to ask a million questions…she goes on to be our biggest cheerleader in life. She will be the glue that keeps us and daddy close. Remember she’s watching us. She’s looking up to us an example of a woman. Obviously she loves her big sis; she even eats her pizza in the weird way only we do. But take some time out for her too. Trust me it’s harder if you wait till we’re adults to make that connection.
I know Estelle can be a little annoying right now. She’s always listening to our phone calls. She teases you about boys. She even tattles when you try to sneak out. It gets better for us. She never really stops the “know it all” preaching. But we learn to smile and nod. She turns out to be our best friend. Once she joins us in high school, she’ll stop tattling and start helping you plot better lies. Set a better example for her though. Realize the responsibility you have as her big sister too. But continue to laugh, love and enjoy her. She, more than anyone gets you and what you’re going through right now. Stop thinking she’s icky and open up to her. She’s more mature than you think. And yes, she can keep a secret when she wants. She actually goes on to keep some big ones. You may find this hard to believe right now, but she kinda turns out to be the big sister. She doesn’t have the same adventurous spirit we do, so she becomes our voice of reason on so many occasions. Listen to her; she’s pretty smart when it comes to what’s best for us.
Mama…we give her such a hard time don’t we? I know, we have this thing with unconditional love. We don’t believe, especially right now that it really exists. I know that’s why we test her so much. We’re looking for the button to push that will make her give up on us like all the others. She never does though. Even with all the stunts we pull for attention or because we’re screaming out in pain, you will wake up to realize she was your knight in shining armor all along. We will always be us, but just try to talk back a little less. Come home on time, she’s right when she says nothing good happens after 11pm. Remind her that no matter how far out there we get, we still hear her voice of wisdom in our ear.
Most of all Michelle, I want you to know even when it seems like no one else does, I love you. I respect you. I value you. Don’t be so devastated when you find that others don’t see us for who we really are. It’s not like we always demanded they do. We have so many more talents than we give ourselves credit for. Once we let the shield down, people actually start to like us a little. We have a talent to make people laugh even when the circumstances around them demand that they cry. You also, have a compassion and understanding for others that can only come from the tests and rewards of our life. You’re doing OK and you go on to do better. Continue living life for us, the way you’ve always done. We take chances others wouldn’t; we will experience things (good and bad) that others won’t. But take some time out to pat yourself on the back once or twice. Look in the mirror and make sure you like who you see every day. And although it seems like every day of your life is a Morphine, our days actually average out to be less than Tylenols. We live much, love hard and appreciate everything.
For God, For my mom, For me
XOXO
Mimi
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